Orcs

I am not a fantasy person, so I've never bothered with the JRR Tolkien trilogy, The Lord of the Rings -- until recently. Last year my remote control happened upon one of the movies accidentally, and I was hooked in 20 seconds. The hook probably had more to do with the New Zealand backdrop (breathtaking!) than the story line, but I got into that, too. Me, the person who never buys a movie. Who rarely goes to the theatre. Who depends on younger, hipper students to round out my pop culture education. Net Flix? What's that? Contrary to my nature, I ran out and purchased all 3 movies. I even got the more expensive versions with the outtakes (or is it outakes?) and notes on the films' production.

I have had the books on my bookshelves for years. Being a Catholic, I always intended to read them for the purposes of being able to discuss Tolkien's analogies and worldview with some level of intelligence. I just never got around to it. I'm not a fantasy person. (I'm not a fantasy person!!) I decided this summer to treat myself to the written word on which these excellent movies were based. Although it is my understanding that Tolkien was not hot on allegory, his paradigm is incredible.

Example: Orcs. Isn't it cool how none of the Fellowship seems scared of the orcs? (Save, perhaps, Merry and Pippin.) I don't know about you, but *I* was scared of them. I thought they were monsterous, the stuff of childhood nightmares. By analog, we have demons. Perhaps we can think of some of the characteristics of demons as being parallel to those of orcs: Fierce, loyal to the Evil One, ugly, twisted, asymmetrical. Not too bright. On a mission. Stronger in numbers. They wanted to reign, to escort in the Age of the Orcs. (That last one is key.)

Yet, the Fellowship ran at them with swords and arrows, fearless, delighted to slay them. Legolas and Gimli, you might recall, had a contest at each battle wherein they kept a tally of those they had downed. They were not scared, I suppose, because an orc could rupture their bodies, but never their spirits. An orc could rob Aragon or Legolas or Gimli of life (as they did Boromir), but they could never rob them of their heart and intent.

The Fellowship had one intention in their tangles with the Orcs: They desired to lessen the evil in the world, not to kill out of vengeance or anger or spite. No life issues here -- Tolkien obviously didn't want us to concern ourselves with the conversion of orcs. They had made their choice, chosen their alliance. No going back. No switching sides. You're either a shirt or a skin. Orcs. Demons. Hmmm.

What can we learn from all this? Don't be scared of orcs? Something like that. I admit I remain scared of demons for the same reason I was scared of orcs: They are loyal to Evil, they have strength in numbers, and they have set themselves upon the Age of the Orcs. Also, the evil that had the Orcs' hearts by the tail was the same evil that captured Frodo at the last minute. Don't think, Kari, that because you're on a strong course now, you won't screw up at the end. The battle is won, yes, but we still mustn't mess with demons. Slay them? Well, I am not lionhearted like Aragon, but there is a way to slay.

Next step: Remember Tolkien was a Catholic. Me, too. So what do we Catholics have going for ourselves? Simple: The tools of the faith that bring down the biggest trolls and the strongest olephantes. Mass, the Eucharist, the Rosary. The Rosary. St. Padre Pio's weapon of choice. A sword and a refuge. With such weapons, the battle is sweet and the joy is everlasting. Just like for Aragon, Legolas, and Gimli. Good stuff, Mr. Tolkien.

First things first

When I sit at my desk, I am surrounded by clutter. It's not junk -- far from it. (Unless you think the electric bill is junk.) Bills, papers to be filed, tax forms, slips of paper with phone numbers scribbled on them ... we've got it all here, and in abundance.

So I sit down. Where to start? Well, I should work on that stupic masters degree I never bothered to finish. But I have to pay bills. And that would mean collecting them. Ugh. How about writing some Linux articles? Hmmm ... a strong candidate. Time to play my iTunes. What's that on FoxNews? Ope, the phone is ringing -- hold on, Mr. Computer. I have to do billing. Can I do that while I'm on the phone? Nope, the cord doesn't reach. Chat a minute, claim to have to get back to work, hang up. How nice of her to call. Dang, I need a refill on my coffee. You wanted me to find the survey of our property and make copies? The copier is out of toner, isn't it? No, I replaced the toner; there's something else wrong with it. Too late to call the repair man. I'll put that on my list of things to do for tomorrow. Ok, where was I? No, I don't know whether that fax went through. Hey, I've got mail! What about that other email accounts? Check them quick, too. It'll only take a sec. Please turn off the TV -- Bill O'Reilly is distracting me. Time to change songs on the iTunes -- I don't like this one. Why is it on my iPod? I'm sorry, what? No, I didn't go to the cleaners today. Can it wait til Friday? I promised him I'd print out that article, but now I can't find the link. Wait, how big was that check you wrote today? Well I didn't know it was going to cost *that* much. I have to grade those papers. No! Don't touch that pile! If you move it, I'll never find my stuff!

And that, my friends, is why I don't get anything done.